I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm really busy with my period
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