yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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