If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm both gender and math confused
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
