I seem to have left my pride at pride
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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