There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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