why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
