i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Boobs are out for the taking
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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