i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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