i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
