i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
