Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
