We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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