thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize