Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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