I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
