Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
