Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
