I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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