You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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