all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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