She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
