I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
