can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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