I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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