...so i touched it.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
