so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
