your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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