just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
