Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
