So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
