If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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