Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
