I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
