HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize