singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
