I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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