OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
