I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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