to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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