woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
