Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize