Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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