Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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