my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
