Soap is not a condiment
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize