if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
