I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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