I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
