you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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