Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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