i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
