Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
