WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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