I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
