Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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