they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
