I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
