OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
