if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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