I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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