He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
