I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
