My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
