Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
