we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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